- Sarah 1 Comment

On being Fat (Part Two)

Or, ‘On not being Fat any more’ as this blog should perhaps be called. Because I was fat you see, and now I’m not. In fact, a little under 12 months ago, at 12st 11lb with a BMI pushing 30 I was very nearly what they call obese. And I’m very sorry to all those fat people who don’t agree with the categorizing and the labels but I was fat, and I decided to do something about it once and for all.
I’ve talked about my issues with my weight and food before and it is something I’ve struggled with for a long time. But 12 months down the line I now weigh under 10st for the first time since I was 19 – which is 13 (it seems, very long) years ago. I’ve been on a bit of a roller coaster to get here though. (Please note however, that I have not been, nor never will go, on a ‘journey’). I lost 24lbs last summer but then I got to a point where, although I hadn’t lost as much weight as I wanted to, I felt and looked so much better than I had (and I quit my job, and the Edinburgh Fringe arrived with all its opportunities for drinking delicious (and very calorific) pear cider, and eating chocolate crepes and giant baked potatoes) that I kind of gave up. I just thought, ‘that’ll do for now’. I let myself indulge in all things I’d denied myself for the two months before. I went a bit crazy…but I think I learnt a valuable lesson; I’m not very good with moderation, but, if I deny myself of something (mostly chocolate) for long enough then at some point I will crack and a raging beast will emerge screaming ‘give me all the chocolate, and give it to me now!’
So, what happened? Over the summer I put about half a stone back on. No, problem I thought – I can fix that. But I didn’t, I started at university and I went on my first, stressful, school placement, and I went right back to what I’d always done…I tried to fix myself with food and booze. Before I knew it I was back to eating a chocolate bar every day (and then some) and drinking every weekend. In fact, I was now drinking alone which I had never done before, but telling myself it was OK because I wasn’t ‘alone’, I was in the company of my friends on Twitter. I was in a downward spiral again and I couldn’t seem to stop. When I’m like that, and unfortunately I have been many times before, it’s like I’ve pressed a self-destruct button. I’ll go to the shops and buy a tub of ice-cream, and think ‘well, if I’m having ice-cream I might as well have a family size bag of Maltesers as well’. Then I get home and think ‘well, if I’m having Maltesers and ice-cream I may as well order pizza, and I can’t just order pizza because they won’t deliver, I’ll get potato skins too, and while I’m at it I’ll have a glass of wine, and I’ve opened the bottle now so I might as well finish it….’ and so it continues. Until you find yourself 6 months down the line having put a stone back on and almost being right back where you started.
It was a situation I’d been in so many times before, but this time something was different. Maybe I had learnt something after all. Because every time I’ve lost weight in the past I’ve put it back on, and added a bit extra just for good measure. But this time, when I saw those scales head back over the 12st mark again, I said no. I wasn’t going to let it happen again. So I went back to Lighter Life, tail somewhat between my legs, and I started again. I know (and I’ve said before) that a lot of people don’t really agree with the concept of meal replacement diets but by god it works. With two shakes, a bar, and a meal of protein and vegetables every day it’s really easy and it means you don’t really have to think about food.
What I did this time, which has been a bit different is not follow the programme quite so strictly. For example, you are only supposed to drink water or tea/coffee, but I’ve been having diet drinks and sugar-free juice as well. And I’ve had quite a few breaks when I’ve been away from home and it’s just been impossible to follow the programme. But during those times I’ve tried to stick to the principles as much as I can, and do as much walking as I can to make up for what I’m putting in my mouth. And all this has meant, that although it’s maybe taken longer for me to lose the weight than it might have done otherwise, I don’t feel I’ve denied myself. And crucially, I haven’t put on any weight since I got back on the wagon in January. There have been a few weeks where my weight has stayed the same, but that’s OK, because that is what I’m aiming for in the long term anyway.
The other thing about Lighter Life is the group therapy (for want of a better word) sessions that go with it. I’ve always been a bit cynical about things like this, and I still think that some of it is nonsense, but a lot of it is good stuff. It’s not like WeightWatchers (or lots of other weight loss groups) where you are in a massive group and most of the discussion is about food, and how you can still try and fit the ‘naughty’ foods into your diet. Lighter Life looks more at the underlying issues to try and get to the bottom of how you ended up overweight in the first place, and how you can stop it happening again.
I mentioned in my last blog that something had happened last week at one of the group meetings that surprised me. We had been talking about over-consuming, about why we had done it in the past, and how we might have been feeling at the time. There had been quite a lot of specific talk about food, and things we had eaten. And I had been talking about a few days earlier when (despite what I’ve just said about not denying myself and so not cracking and going mental) I had lost the plot somewhat and eaten a whole tub of Ben & Jerry’s. I don’t know what being a crack addict is like, but I imagine it’s a bit like what I felt like the night I virtually ran across the road to Asda in search of something to fill the hole in my tummy. Talking specifically about food is something Lighter Life tries to avoid, because it just makes you think about, and want to eat the things you’ve been talking about. So towards the end of the meeting, the counsellor (that’s what they call the leader woman) wanted to do a little exercise to show how thoughts can affect us and she needed a volunteer. I was it. So I got up and she got me to put my arm out at shoulder height and told me to resist the pressure as she pressed down on it. I did. So far so good. Then she told me to say out loud ‘ I am a weak and vulnerable person’ and to keep repeating it. Which I did, three or four times….and here’s the weird bit. It felt really strange, I didn’t like saying it. I was telling myself it was only words but I didn’t like it. She told me to say it a few more times….and I started crying. It was so strange. I don’t know why I was crying. They were just words, but maybe they struck something in me that thought they were true. The counsellor was really surprised too – she said she knew it was a powerful exercise but she’d never had anyone cry before. We carried on to the point of it, which is after saying the first statement, you do the arm thing again and you just can’t resist at all. Then you repeat ‘I am a strong and confident woman’ over and over (like you mean it, as they kept telling me) until you do the arm thing again and can resist it again. So there we are. I never really believed stuff like that would work with me but a few simple words had the power to make me cry.
Which brings us to now. I said at the beginning of all this that my goal weight was ‘anything with a 9 in it’ but now I’m at 9st 12lb I actually want to lose a few more pounds. I want to be at the bottom of my ‘safety zone’ – this basically means I can fluctuate by a couple of pounds without ending up over 10st again. But I’m definitely happy with what I’ve achieved. I feel so much better about myself, shopping is fun again because I can go into any shop I want and know that a size 12 will just fit me which is just a brilliant feeling, I’m more confident, less self-conscious and all those other clichés, but then why wouldn’t I? I look fucking hot!
I look like me again, or the image of me that I had in my head. I think I had some weird kind of reverse body dysmorphia. I know it’s often seen in people with eating disorders who see themselves as fat when they are actually dangerously thin. But when I was fat, I still had a picture of myself in my head, and that person looked like I do now. I would look in the mirror and think I looked OK, and to be honest I mostly avoided having my photo taken because I knew that a camera would tell the truth. But like I say, now I look like me again….and that’s the way I plan to stay.
- Sarah 1 Comment

Some things, and some other stuff

So where was I? It’s been a while…
I’ve been back on school placement for the last three weeks but to be honest it’s been fairly stress free this time. I’ve only got another four teaching days to go and then I won’t be back in a classroom until I’m starting my first actual teaching job in August (The Autumn term in Scotland starts in the middle of August – a concept which seems completely alien to me after a lifetime of English schools starting back in September – and it’s also rather inconveniently in the middle of the Edinburgh Festival).
I can’t quite believe I’ve actually nearly finished my course. Yesterday I passed my final university assessed lesson, I’ve still got one more school report to get but seeing as I’m at the same school as last time I can’t see there being any problems there. And then there’s just the small matter of another 3500 word assignment due in a week, but the plan is to get that written this weekend. And then, to the chagrin of many in full time employment, I get a two and a half month holiday before the real work starts. And it’s going to be an action packed two and a half months!
I’ve got another week in London coming up at the end of this month (for comedy, of course, plus it’s my birthday), then at the end of June I’m off to the USA for nearly three weeks (which I’m incredibly excited about), followed by another couple of nights in London, then Latitude festival, another few nights in London for some Edinburgh previews, then finally back home a month after I set off! After that I’ve only got a week at home before going to Scout Camp (slightly random I know, my Dad is a Scout leader and somehow I got roped into helping out – he asked at Christmas, I was drunk). And the Scout camp will segue directly into Edinburgh, where I’ll be staying for the first week of the Fringe, despite only living half an hour away on the train. And then it’s straight into school. See, I told you it was action packed. But I’m never going to get this long without having to work again so I’m making the most of it.
So that’s what’s to come….but what has passed? Last weekend, in the name of Mark Watson’s ridiculous iPod competition I took a nine hour round trip to Fort William in the Scottish Highlands, to meet a young man, so he could put a song on a memory stick and write about why he chose that song in a small notebook. The memory stick and notebook will hopefully, eventually be filled with music by others around the country and will finally make their way to a lady in Essex who won an iPod in a competition on Mark’s blog.
As I mentioned in a previous blog, last time I was in London I met Mr Watson in the Apple Store to purchase said iPod and memory stick and I brought it back up to Scotland. The theory was that the iPod would make it’s way around a chain of I think 70-odd people before finally ending up with the winner. However, these things never quite work out how you think they will. As it turned out there were six people in Scotland who had volunteered to join the chain and add a song – being in possession of the iPod I somehow got tasked with trying to co-ordinate these people to meet. Which is slightly difficult given the size of Scotland (it really is quite big!) and the fact that most of the people are young students without the cash or the ability to travel very far from where they actually live. To be honest I got a bit pissed off with the whole thing at one point but I’m no quitter and I couldn’t just take the iPod back to London without at least trying.
In this iPod chain of 70 people there were six people who had been finalists in the competition and part of the point of the chain was to make sure it passed through these people before getting to the eventual winner. And just to make things a little bit more difficult one of the finalists was a Scottish school boy who lives to the west of Fort William – about as far away from where I live on the east coast as you can get! So after a few emails backwards and forwards it became clear that the only way the iPod was going to get to Seamus was if I took it there myself. Of course, he could have just emailed his song choice to me and I could have put it on the memory stick from the comfort of my own sofa…but that kind of misses the point of the whole thing. So last Saturday I took the 120 mile trip to Fort William, where I met up with Seamus for about half an hour, then I drove the 120 miles home again. And, yes it really did take nine hours door to door. Still, it was a lovely sunny day and the scenery in that part of the world is spectacular. And I did get much appreciation in Mark’s blog for my efforts. I think I’ve done my bit now, and seeing as the other Scottish people are spread from Aberdeen to Glasgow, I don’t think I’ll be meeting up with anyone else before I take the iPod back to London, to pass it on to the next section of the chain, and thankfully it will no longer be my responsibility!
On a related note, you may remember I set myself some goals as part of Mark’s Ten Year Self Improvement Challenge…and so a quick update;
  • On weight loss/maintenance – I now weigh just under 10st for the first time since I was 19 (back in 1997 – in fact about the same time that as a fresh faced young student I was getting excited that I’d played a small part in getting the New Labour government into power, and was full of hope and expectation….and now look where we are, it would be ironic if it wasn’t so depressing). I still want to lose a few more pounds so I can get to the bottom of my ‘safety zone’ as they like to call it at my weight loss class things. And then the very much more difficult task of maintaining that weight starts – especially with the amount of travelling I’ll be doing in the next few months. That said, I managed to stay the same weight after my last week in London, despite not being on my diet plan at all, so it is possible. Something happened at my weight loss class last week which surprised me quite a lot, but I think I’ll save that for another blog.
  • On becoming a fully qualified teacher and moving to London – I am getting closer everyday. See above.
  • On visiting the Antipodes – this one is on hold until such a trip is practical (possibly in a couple of years)
  • On playing the ukulele – I am getting better, I think. I’ve been to a couple more meetings of Monday Ukearist and I’ll be going again soon. And I recorded a few more videos and put them on YouTube. You can see them here. And my favourite one is here….just down there….
All in all I’d say my TYSIC is going well for now, and we’re only a few months into the ten years so there’s plenty of time yet.
Another mammoth blog from me – thanks again for sticking with me, and I will try and update my adventures with a little more regularity in future…there’s certainly going to be a lot to tell.
Did I mention that I love you? Especially you.
- Sarah Leave a comment

Daniel Kitson – 66a Church Road

Daniel Kitson is renowned in the comedy world for his brilliant, often long and rambling stand up. There are very few people who would have a bad word to say about the famously publicity-shy comedian and after my third experience of Kitson in action I’m not about to be the first.

66a Church Road, however, is not a stand-up show. It is more a one man, autobiographical, play based around the longest relationship that Kitson has ever had. A relationship, not with a woman, but with a flat. The show is subtitled ‘A Lament, Made of Memories and Kept in Suitcases’ and those nine words describe the show better than I ever could. 


I saw 66a Church Road at the final of four performances at The Tron theatre in Glasgow. This theatre, in a former church, was a perfect venue, with steeply raked seating allowing the audience a clear view of the stage; a stage set with a large Persian rug, a variety of old trunks and suitcases and lit from above by a a cosily shaded living room light, and intimate enough to allow Kitson to talk without the encumbrance of a microphone.

A hush fell over the audience when a surprisingly beardless Daniel Kitson took to the stage and settled on to its solitary chair, and we were enthralled by the wonder of his storytelling for the next ninety minutes. This show tells the story of Daniel’s six years living at 66a Church Road, it is by turns happy, sad, funny, tragic and nostalgic. The story is interspersed with recorded memories and, loathe as I am to use the word, it really does take you on a journey. As Daniel himself said this is a break up show, for his flat. And as that subtitle suggests, it is a lament for a lost love, and the memories of a home.


66a Church Road continues to tour the UK and if you can get your hands on a ticket I would urge you to see it while you can.



- Sarah 9 Comments

Happiness is. . .

Happiness is….well what, exactly. Is anybody ever truly happy? Do we even know what it means to be happy?

This is a question that I’ve been pondering quite a lot in the last month or so. As you will know if you’ve read my last few blog posts I’ve been very busy over the last three weeks. I’ve done lots of things that have been a lot of fun; I got to see lots of my friends, and favourite comedians and laughed until my tummy hurt. I got to see my two best friends get married and I got to hang out with my brother. 

All these things are good things, and things that make me happy. But these are just moments of happiness, amongst all this were other moments when I felt sad or annoyed or lonely or just not quite content with my situation or the world around me. Surely everyone feels like this though? Is there anyone out there who can say they are truly happy with everything about their life? And I suppose the question is, would you want to be? If you were happy with every aspect of your life then what would there be to aim for? In the words of the brilliant Oscar Hammerstein ‘You’ve got to have a dream, if you don’t have a dream, how you going to have a dream come true’. (On the subject of dreams and whether or not we should have them, you really should have a read of this blog by the lovely, and talented, Chasity Flyte). Perhaps you have to have the other moments, of feeling sad, or angry or just plain miserable, in order to appreciate the times when you really are happy.

So am I happy? I think so, most of the time. This time last year, I wasn’t happy with the way my life was going. I had a boring job, which more importantly, didn’t actually pay me enough to live on, I was fat, and it felt like my life was going nowhere. And that was when I decided to take the leap on to my teacher training course. It was probably one of the biggest decisions of my life and if I’m honest, I’m still not entirely sure it was the right one. Only time, and experience of teaching in the real world is going to tell me that. But it’s going to give me the opportunity to move to London which I might not have had otherwise (or at least it would have been a lot more difficult), and at last, after 10 years of drifting along, I will actually have a career, rather than just a job. And fortunately, one that pays me enough and gives me enough time off to do all the other things that make me happy. And as regular readers will know, I’ve dealt with the being fat part too – although that is an ongoing challenge and will be for a long time to come. As I’ve said before, I knew that losing weight would make me happier, but I also knew it wasn’t the magic fix to all my problems. What losing weight does is mean that I can’t blame anything else on being fat, I have to deal with the root of the problem.

I love the little things in life that can make a person happy; for me it’s things like getting a compliment from a friend, or being told that I missed when I’m not there, or driving along singing as loud as I can to one of my favourite songs, or playing my ukulele, or reminiscing with my brother about stupid things we did when we were kids, or staying up late, drinking booze and watching action movies with my Dad, or more recently, being thanked by the kids at school when they realise I’m not going to be teaching them any more. These are all the things that make me happy. And of course there are the bigger things too, like being lucky enough to own my own flat and affording to live here, and having a family who are healthy, and having some great friends and all those other clichés. 

Then there are the things that make me mad; some of them little things, like my neighbour taking my parking space, or people cancelling on me at the last minute, or people who wander aimlessly down busy streets. And the bigger things like the fact that our country is going to hell in a hand cart and so many people don’t vote because they think it’s not their problem. Or the fact that children are being brought up to believe in gods that don’t exist (if adults want to believe then that’s entirely up to them, but it makes me so mad that so many children aren’t given a choice). 


I suppose what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think anyone can say, with utmost certainty, ‘I am happy’. We need all the crappy stuff to balance it out. And that’s what it is about; balance. I’m sure someone has come up with an equation, but I reckon if I’m happy 75% of the time, I’m taking that one as a win. I’d be really interested to hear what other people think about this… Are you happy? What do you think happiness is? And can anyone ever really be happy all the time?

- Sarah 3 Comments

Adventures in space and time: Part 1

OK, just a quick disclaimer to begin; I’m writing this blog on my phone so I’m going to try and keep it brief but I wanted to do a quick update on my adventures so far before I start to forget it all.

The fun started on Thursday night when I went to see Derren Brown at the Edinburgh Playhouse with my friends Claire and Dave (the ones who are getting married at the weekend). We had booked the tickets ages ago so despite being a fairly expensive £30 each, it was almost like it was free! I love booking things a long time in advance to achieve this effect. I’ve seen quite a few of the things Derren has done on TV and I had had lots of recommendations from people who had seen the show so I was really looking forward to it. And I was sat on the end of the third row in the stalls so I was secretly hoping I might get picked to do something, but no such luck. The show was predictably brilliant, especially the last 15 minutes. After the show I set off on my journey south (to get to London the next day) and spent most of the drive just thinking ‘but how did he do that?!’.

On Friday I set off from the Days Inn at Abington Services on the M74 (I really was living the dream) and drove down to Wolverhampton where I left my car and got a train into London. It sounds complicated but it really was the most sensible way of doing the journey.

After managing to resist the Krispy Creme doughnuts at Euston station and checking into my hotel I headed further south to the Cavendish Arms in Stockwell for An Event of Some Kind, hosted by the Junior Ministers. This was the second AEOSK that I had been to and I was delighted I’d managed to make it to this 1st birthday special, and that so many of my friends were there too. After an introduction by Junior Ministers themselves the first act of the night was Pippa Evans as her alter ego Loretta Maine, a trailer trash, drinking, swearing singer. I loved the character Pippa has created, both the songs and stand up hitting the nail right on its comedy head, and I hope I have a chance to see more of her work soon.

Next up was Australian singer songwriter Emi Green, accompanied by Noisy Fred on guitar. Emi has a great bluesy voice and I really enjoyed her short set.

Following some flip chart based fun from H Anthony of the Junior Ministers, the second half was brought to a rousing close by 6 Day Riot. This four piece play fantastic folky, uplifting tunes and they were one of the main reasons I has made the trip. I’ve seen 6 Day Riot live once before and own both their albums and after the previews of some new songs we got on Friday I can’t wait to get hold of their third album which will be released in June. Not only do the produce great tunes but Tamara who fronts the band is possibly one of the coolest ladies I’ve ever met, and one of the reasons I started playing ukulele!

The second half brought another great set from Emi Green, more from Junior Ministers and then the man that a lot of the audience had come to see, one Mr Tim Minchin. Now Tim is able to fill theatres and concert halls when he tours the chance to see him performing in the back room of a pub in South London doesn’t come around very often. It was lovely to see Tim having so much fun with the audience and we were treated to the Easter Song, which he wrote 12 years ago before he ‘thought anyone would listen’ to his music. We then had The Good Book; continuing on the God theme, and finally a rendition of the beat poem Mitsubishi Colt backed by Ed and Dan of 6 Day Riot on double bass and drums. It really was a whole heap of fun!

The evening unfortunately had to come to an end at some point but not before another set from 6 Day Riot, which had the whole audience singing along. Tim then joined Tamara on stage for an acoustic cover of the Crowded House song Four Seasons In One Day which was a joy (and demonstrated Mr Minchin’s guitar playing skills which we don’t often see) and last but by no means least all the acts from the evening joined Junior Ministers on stage for a riotous performance of their wonderful song Bounce.

It really was a great evening at this lovely, friendly gig, made even better by the company of friends who don’t manage to all be in the same place at the same time often enough. Everyone hung around for a drunk after the gig and we got a chance for a quick chat with Tim which doesn’t happen very often these days. He even offered to write a song for me! I was saying I was looking at new cars and had seriously considered a Mitsubishi Colt, but then decided it would just make me laugh too much so Tim offered to write me a song about whatever car I wanted to buy! Now that would be something.

The night ended with a trip on a night bus, which is never much fun, especially when you miss the stop because you are so engrossed in conversation. Thanks must go again to Kate, who seems to have become my resident night bus guru.

On Saturday I ran the gauntlet of Krispy Kreme temptation again to get the train back to Wolverhampton where I picked up my car then drove to to campsite where my mum and dad were already staying. And that’s where I am now, sat in a caravan where there is no mobile signal, but magically is WiFi. And that’s pretty much my adventures so far. Another couple of days here, back to London to meet up with some other Precious Little podophiles for Los Quattros Cvnts with The Trap and Michael Legge, then back to Shropshire for wedding fun. Blimey, it’s proving to be one hell of an Easter Holiday!

- Sarah 4 Comments

Trials and Tribulations

It’s the end of March and it’s snowing in Scotland. That doesn’t sound too out of the ordinary, but last week spring was all around us and I had my first hayfever symptoms of the year. What is going on with this crazy world we live in?

Anyway, I’ve had a fairly eventful couple of days as far as these things go. On Friday night I went out with the teachers from my placement school. They are all language teachers (mostly French teachers) and had chosen to go to a French restaurant…now is it just me or is that a bit wanky? As it turned out it was pretty good fun and no-one really spoke French to the restaurant staff so that was OK. Now, as regular readers will know I’ve been on a weight loss mission since Christmas; I’ve now lost 25lbs and only have a few more pounds to lose before I get to my target weight. So, I knew I would probably end up eating stuff I shouldn’t on Friday, and drinking as well, but I was hoping this would be the first step towards my new goal of trying not to do things to excess as I had in the past, and to manage my eating in a healthy way (both physically and mentally). 

It would seem, however, I still have a way to go. To be fair, I didn’t do too badly at the restaurant with my choices although I did have three courses when two would have done. I didn’t drink too much either (I think 3 or 4 small glasses of wine and a pint of cider, which is fairly moderate for me). The problem came when I got home. With a bit of booze inside me I was craving chocolate and lacking willpower. I managed to walk straight home from the train station without calling in the garage for supplies, but then when I got in I remembered the unopened box of After Eights from Christmas… and I ate half the box in one sitting. I was so disappointed with myself even as I did it. Given half a chance I’d gone back to shovelling chocolates in my mouth without even thinking about what I was doing. So much for moderation. It seems I’m not yet capable of controlling my eating when something is right in front of me. If it’s not there at all I’m OK, so I guess that’s what I’ll have to stick with for now.

It gets worse though…on Saturday night my friend Claire came round for an evening of watching rubbish TV and chat. We had chicken stir fry which is very healthy, but then she’d brought Caramel Bunnies and Malteser Bunnies too. They were delicious and if I hadn’t eaten so much the night before it might have been OK, but then Claire went home and I decided I might as well polish off the rest of the After Eights because I was going to end up eating them all eventually anyway. And it’s that attitude that got me in this mess in the first place.

Anyhow, I’m back on track now and I’m not going to beat myself up about it – I think I’ve got away with not gaining any weight this week (although I haven’t lost any) – but I’ve just proven to myself that I’ve still got a long way to go in this battle and I’m going to slip up along the way before I find my way for the long term.

My weekend took a turn for the even weirder on Sunday when I woke up at about 8.30am with excruciating pain in my tummy. I went to the bathroom where I came over with cold sweats and managed to pass out, tipping forward off the toilet and banging the crap out of my knee, and bumping the top of my forehead in the process! I came to lying on the bathroom floor on top of the bucket I’d been holding because I thought I might be sick. It would have been comical if it hadn’t have been so scary. It’s times like these when living alone isn’t always the best position to be in. So, I crawled back to my bed, head still spinning and still having cold sweats. I lay there for a while and the pain started to ease and I managed to get myself a drink of water. And then after about 10 minutes it was gone and I felt almost normal again. It really was very weird. I rang my mum, although I’m not quite sure why. It’s not like she could do anything 350 miles away, and all I succeeded in doing was making her worry. I went back to sleep for a couple of hours then got up and made my way to the sofa where I stayed dozing on and off for the rest of the day. I woke up at about 8.30pm and realised I’d been asleep more than awake, and although I felt OK I followed the advice of the good people of Twitter and called NHS 24. They weren’t an awful lot of help but didn’t seem to think I was any sort of emergency, so I went to bed with nothing more than a big bruise on my knee and a sore spot on my head to show for it. I still don’t know what the matter was, possibly trapped wind?! Who knew needing to fart could make you lose consciousness? That teamed with my naturally low blood pressure was enough it seems. Let’s just hope it doesn’t happen again any time soon!

And finally, on a more positive note, I went to Monday Ukearist in Edinburgh last night and it was a lot of fun. And as improving my ukulele playing is one of my TYSIC goals I feel I’ve taken another tiny step in the right direction. And on top of that, I only have to go into university three more times ever (and do another four weeks in school) and that is pretty bloody exciting!

I’m heading off on my Easter adventures on Thursday; it begins by seeing Derren Brown in Edinburgh on Thursday night before setting off on my drive which will take me to London, comedy, camping, comedy, wedding, the parental home, back to Scotland for a day or two, then a flight back to London and more comedy. I shall do my best to blog about some of the above, but I’m not making any promises! It’s been another long one today so thanks for reading if you stuck with me. I really do appreciate it.

- Sarah 2 Comments

My life and me: A TYSIC update

I’m feeling pretty happy today. I’ve finished my school placement for now (and I got a really good report), my assignment that’s due in tomorrow is done, and I’ve only got a few bits and pieces of work to do. I was in university on Friday and it was good to hear everyone else’s school experiences, and that I wasn’t the only one who cried on my tutor after my assessed lesson! I can’t believe how quickly this course is going. This time last year I hadn’t even applied and now it feels like it’s almost over. I’ve only got to go into university another six or seven times, go back to school for another four weeks (which is actually only two full weeks and two four day weeks), do one more assignment… and then that’s it, I’m done. I know I still have to do my probationary year before I can really call myself a teacher, and that it’ll be really hard work, but I’m starting to feel like I’m getting there. Which means I’m one step closer to achieving one of my TYSIC aims of moving to London and getting a teaching job there. 

I still keep having moments when I wonder if I’m doing the right thing and if teaching really is the job for me. And I worry that even having those thoughts means it’s not. Because if it was definitely the right job for me, then I wouldn’t have any doubts about it. But then I just think I have to stick with it and see what it’s like in the real world, as opposed to this weird student version of teaching that I’ve experienced so far.

In other news, my weight is still moving in the right direction. I now have a BMI in the ‘healthy’ range, for the first time in ages, and I’m fitting into clothes I haven’t worn for years. The other night I through some old trousers and jeans away, that were falling apart anyway, but were also too big. It was also one of the steps towards changing my mindset and seeing this as a permanent change. Keeping ‘fat’ clothes means that you can easily go back to your old ways, because you’ll still have something to wear. But by getting rid of them, I’ll notice more quickly if my weight starts creeping back up. It’s just a shame I can’t afford a whole new wardrobe! Although I still want to lose a little bit more weight I can’t really lose much more for the next three weeks, because I’ve now had my bridesmaid dress fitted (I had to have it taken in quite a lot…and it looks awesome!) and if I lose any more weight it’ll end up being too big on Claire’s wedding day, which is only on 10th April. That has come round really fast too, it doesn’t seem long since Dave proposed. I’m really looking forward to the wedding, it’s going to be a great day, and there’s going to be some people there that I worked in France with 10 years ago and haven’t seen since. As far as my TYSIC goes, I can’t really work on maintaining my weight until I get down to the weight I want to be, but I am making some steps in the right direction. One of these is trying to re-train my brain into thinking about cakes and other ‘treats’ in a new way. It’s easy not to eat the good stuff when I’m ‘on a diet’ but it’s afterwards that things need to change. Yesterday, for instance, I went for a cup of tea with Claire after we’d been to try on our dresses again and the cafe had some really delicious looking cakes. In the olden days we would always have cake, or at least share a piece, but I need to train myself that I can go out and not have cake. And that’s not to say I can never have cake again, but that I don’t always have to have it. Or that I can have pizza or fish and chips if I want, but that it should be a once a month kind of meal, rather than every weekend. So there we go, I’ve still got a long road to travel but I feel like I know what I need to do this time.

And on top of all that I’ve got lots of comedy coming up, which is not only fun, but also means I get to see lots of my friends who I usually only get to talk to on the internet. And I’m spending Easter weekend with my Mum and Dad, sleeping in the awning of their caravan… which, odd as it might be to some people, I actually really enjoy. Plus I’ve not seen them since Christmas….and that was 23lbs ago.

- Sarah 4 Comments

Shhh, it’s a secret

Last night I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep and I started thinking about secrets. I have quite a lot of secrets it turns out, when I think about it. Some of them are only secret to some people; like not telling my mum, or my best friend Claire how I’ve been losing weight. Is it still a secret if I’ve written about it in this blog? (as an aside, at the time of writing I’ve now lost 22lbs since New Year – and and I’m the lightest I’ve been probably for the last 12 years, I’m feeling happy but still have a little way to go). 

Anyway, back to the secrets; I have some secrets that I’ve never told anyone and probably never will, some secrets I’d like to tell someone but the consequences of doing that wouldn’t just affect me, so I don’t feel that I can. And some secrets I’ve kept for such a long time that it doesn’t seem worth telling anyone now.

It all got me wondering, am I typical in the number and type of secrets I have? I do tell my mum a lot of things, and I tell Claire a lot. And I’m very happy to have met a lot of my new virtual friends who I can talk to about things that I think my mum or Claire wouldn’t necessarily understand. But I don’t have anyone who I would tell ‘everything’ to. I know a lot of people with boy/girlfriends or husbands/wives say ‘oh, but we tell each other everything‘. But I wonder if that is actually true of anyone? I think we all probably need some things that no-one else knows, everybody needs a little bit of them which is just theirs. But like everything in life there has to be a balance somewhere, and keeping everything to yourself can’t be a good thing either. And then there’s that feeling you get if you find out someone has been keeping a secret from you, or if lots of people knew about something you didn’t. So we not only have to think about the consequences of keeping a secret, but also the effect it might have on others if we keep them in the dark.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this to be honest – I just thought it was quite interesting, and wondered if anyone else who reads this had any thoughts on the matter, or if it was something you’d never given any thought to? So, errrm, yeah. I’ll leave that with you.

- Sarah 2 Comments

Mark Watson’s Ten Year Self-Improvement Challenge

As I mentioned in the last post, comedian Mark Watson has set himself a Ten Year Self-Improvement Challenge (TYSIC) and invited others to join him. Mark’s challenge is to write a blog every day for the next ten years (!) and, due to recently turning thirty and the birth of his son, he has set himself the challenge of being more optimistic about life. You can read more about Mark’s own goals here. 

I decided this was all a very good idea, and seeing as I was sort of setting my own goals (as previously discussed – particularly to do with my weight), it seemed like a good idea to join in. The TYSIC was to officially begin on 4th March so the day before I posted a comment on Mark’s blog with my goals for the next ten years. This is what I came up with…

  • Firstly, I’ve recently lost a quite a bit of weight and I have a little more to go to get into a healthy weight range for my height. Once I’ve reached this weight my aim is to stay there or thereabouts for the next ten years (well, indefinitely really) rather than the dramatic yo-yo-ing of the last 10 years.
  • The second goal is probably easier to achieve and that is to spend at least a month in Australia and New Zealand (with the possibility of emigrating – but I don’t definitely want to do that so no point setting it as a goal).
  • The third – which I’m actually fairly certain will happen in the next two years is to become a fully qualified and registered teacher…and move to London.
  • And finally (I know, I don’t ask much do I?) is carry on playing the ukulele, which I’ve been doing for about 6 months now, get better at it and actually learn to write my own songs on it.

So there we are – I reckon there’s no reason why I shouldn’t be able to achieve these goals in the next ten years (by which time I’ll be 41!). I’m also sure that the first one will prove the most difficult. But Mark asked that everyone try and make a small step towards their goals in the first week and I think I have done that. As I have just blogged, yesterday I passed my second assessed lesson which takes me one step closer to being a fully qualified teacher and goal number two. But more importantly for me, after a shitty day of tears and emotion I didn’t try and find comfort in either food or alcohol and that is a very important step towards achieving goal number one.

I’ll be updating on my progress here, but also, Linzy, the brains behind Tim Minchin’s fan forum, Angry (Feet) (along with fellow Watson fan, Misha) has set Mark up with a fan site of his own. The site contains a forum and will shortly have a section where participants in the TYSIC can record their goals and progress so I’ll be doing that too when it’s up and running. Maybe I’ll see you there?

- Sarah 1 Comment

It’s been a hell of a week (Or, ‘Those who can’t, teach’)

Last weekend was Claire’s hen weekend (the one, as bridesmaid, I’ve been co-organising for the last 6 months). Once we eventually got there after battling through the snow, we had a fantastic time. We had spent nearly £500 on booze and food and between the 17 of us there we managed to work our way through most of it. I did pretty well myself, especially as you may remember I’ve only had a drink twice since New Year in my ongoing efforts to lose weight. After staying up until 4am on both nights I was feeling fairly rotten when I got home on Sunday afternoon. I sensibly decided a two and a half hour nap would help, but all it really succeeded in doing was making sure I had to go to the supermarket at 8.30pm, as I realised I had no food for my lunch the next day. This was then followed by lesson planning until nearly midnight, a crap night’s sleep and feeling like death on Monday at school. Brilliant. It was worth it for the great weekend with great company though. And the house we stayed in was amazing – I knew it was going to be big but it was massive! Just look at the ‘drawing room’…


After the weekend I never really caught up on my sleep all week and school was a bit of a struggle. I did have some good lessons this week though and I was feeling quite good about the whole thing. My thoughts on teaching are still all over the place really. I think I’m enjoying it but I still can’t quite work out if I’ve done the right thing. I just keep thinking that although I know my probationary year next year will be hard and I’ll have a lot of work, at least I’ll be teaching my own classes and hopefully that will make discipline easier – at least I won’t have to deal with the ‘who are you miss?’, ‘where’s our normal teacher miss?’ ‘when are we getting Mrs/Mr Whoever back miss?’… Anyway, yesterday I had my second assessed lesson of my course. In order to pass the course we have to pass three lessons assessed by our university tutors, receive three satisfactory reports from our school placements and pass three assignments. So this was the second time I had a visit from one of the university tutors. The visit I’d had in my first placement had gone quite well and I’d looked back over the feedback I’d got on things I’d been told needed improvement. I had another first year class this time, which in theory should have made things easier. I thought I had a pretty decent plan, apart from that I’d included a game that the usual class teacher had suggested. I wasn’t really sure about doing it but it’s quite difficult to turn down advice with offending the established teacher. So I went with it. The lesson didn’t go too badly I thought. I rushed through some things in order to try and make sure I could fit everything in, but with the consequence that I had finished everything I planned to do with about 10 minutes to go until the bell. I managed to pull a few things out of my head to fill the time and I thought it had gone OK.

After the bell went my tutor came up to me to say I’d passed and so I could breath a sigh of relief but then we had to sit down to go over the feedback. There was quite a bit of positive stuff and I got a merit for my planning and preparation of resources…but when it came to discussing my ‘areas for development’ I was criticised for the balance of my lesson and, here’s the best bit, that there were too many ‘games’. I knew I shouldn’t have followed advice that didn’t feel like the right thing to do. But I couldn’t say ‘it wasn’t my idea!’ That would just have sounded like an excuse, and if I wasn’t my idea and I didn’t agree with it then why did I go ahead and do it? Then he started going on about my classroom management which is an area I know I have to work on anyway. By this point I could feel that quivering bottom lip and shaking in your chest that you get when you know you’re about to cry. I really struggled to hold back the tears but when my tutor repeated my failing for the the third time I crumbled. I felt ridiculous for crying and although I was a bit upset at what I was being told it was much just a release of stress and adrenaline, and being annoyed at myself for not following my own instincts in the first place. I’m sure I’m not the first person to cry, imagine what the people who fail are like?! Anyway, I passed, I have things to work on and I should be pleased with that. But then I had the horrible third years for the last period of the day. They are a quite low ability set and really have no interest in learning French at the best of times, let alone last thing on a Friday afternoon. And they just won’t stop talking! I wasn’t doing too badly with them but then the class teacher came in and just started judging me – it really wasn’t the day for it and fighting back the tears again I virtually ran out of school when the bell went without speaking to anyone. 

I’m much calmer now and grateful for the support and sensible words from all my friends on Twitter. (After my tutor left I went for a walk in the park next to school to try and calm down and try and make my face look normal again – and vented my woes on Twitter, with immediate response. Seriously, I don’t know what we did before the instant responses from Twitter – whether they be congratulations, commiserations or advice). I also had a good chat with one of the other students on my course who lives near by. She had her assessed lesson yesterday too and despite getting the same grades as me, she was disappointed with how she’d done too. It’s good to know someone else is in the same boat as you.

Anyway, it’s over and done with now. I only have another nine teaching days to go (although that means I’ve only got just over two weeks until my next 3500 word assignment is due in and I haven’t started yet.) I’m seeing the lovely Tiernan Douieb at the Glasgow Comedy Festival next weekend, then Chris Addison and Dave Gorman in the two weeks after that. Then it’s the Easter holidays. I’m seeing Derren Brown, then going to An Event Of Some Kind (where one of my favourite bands, 6 Day Riot, are playing, and Tim Minchin is on the bill playing to a room of 40 people which will be pretty awesome). Then I’ve got Easter weekend in the caravan with my Mum and Dad, and the weekend after it’s actually Claire’s wedding and I get to do my bridesmaid bit! (Oh, and the weekend after that I’m back in London to see Michael Legge and Andrew Collins do their Edinburgh work in progress shows). Phew…that’s quite a lot to look forward to in the next month. And it’s definitely going to get me through the next two weeks of teaching.


In other news, I’ve pledged (is that the right word?) to join in Mark Watson’s Ten Year Self-Improvement Challenge, but I think that deserves an entry of its own; so more on that later.


And finally – here’s a couple of photos from the hen weekend. One of Claire, in all her finery with me and Tara; the other bridesmaid, and one of me partaking in the ‘Cheesy Ball Challenge’ which involved seeing how many cheesy balls (the Asda version of Wotsits) you could fit in your mouth! I think I managed 18 in the end but I wasn’t the eventual winner!