Shhh, it’s a secret

Last night I was lying in bed trying to get to sleep and I started thinking about secrets. I have quite a lot of secrets it turns out, when I think about it. Some of them are only secret to some people; like not telling my mum, or my best friend Claire how I’ve been losing weight. Is it still a secret if I’ve written about it in this blog? (as an aside, at the time of writing I’ve now lost 22lbs since New Year – and and I’m the lightest I’ve been probably for the last 12 years, I’m feeling happy but still have a little way to go). 

Anyway, back to the secrets; I have some secrets that I’ve never told anyone and probably never will, some secrets I’d like to tell someone but the consequences of doing that wouldn’t just affect me, so I don’t feel that I can. And some secrets I’ve kept for such a long time that it doesn’t seem worth telling anyone now.

It all got me wondering, am I typical in the number and type of secrets I have? I do tell my mum a lot of things, and I tell Claire a lot. And I’m very happy to have met a lot of my new virtual friends who I can talk to about things that I think my mum or Claire wouldn’t necessarily understand. But I don’t have anyone who I would tell ‘everything’ to. I know a lot of people with boy/girlfriends or husbands/wives say ‘oh, but we tell each other everything‘. But I wonder if that is actually true of anyone? I think we all probably need some things that no-one else knows, everybody needs a little bit of them which is just theirs. But like everything in life there has to be a balance somewhere, and keeping everything to yourself can’t be a good thing either. And then there’s that feeling you get if you find out someone has been keeping a secret from you, or if lots of people knew about something you didn’t. So we not only have to think about the consequences of keeping a secret, but also the effect it might have on others if we keep them in the dark.

I don’t really know where I’m going with this to be honest – I just thought it was quite interesting, and wondered if anyone else who reads this had any thoughts on the matter, or if it was something you’d never given any thought to? So, errrm, yeah. I’ll leave that with you.

4 thoughts on “Shhh, it’s a secret

  1. That is an interesting topic. Secrets are very odd things and can make and break friendships / relationships.
    Even when I have been in a long term relationship, i never told him absolutely everything.
    I think you have to be careful though as i think there should be a difference between keeping a secret and being dishonest. I dont think secrets should be kept to save ones own skin.
    I am a very open person and I dont think i have any secrets that i havent told anyone at all, but i tend to spread them out. I have different people that i tell different things to. However i am of the opinion that if someone has the balls to ask me something outright, i feel they deserve to know the truthful answer.
    Hmm. yes. Interesting topic. :o)

  2. I certainly don't tell my parents EVERYTHING although its pretty close, more because I know their reaction if I didn't so I kind of bend the truth. Family are the ones I tend to do this with. As a family we are close and I think that's the problem, they are the ones that will judge you. I've told friends and colleagues things this week that I haven't found how to even approach telling my parents but I know they'll get a version of events soon, might just not be the whole truth. I'd like to be able to move without them knowing everything. I think you can be open with some people but they don't need to know every little detail. Some things are more appropriate for some than others. Does that make it a secret to those you don't share it with? I'm not sure.

  3. Great blog! Secrets are a tricky thing. In my experience being honest is the best policy, however there is a difference between being honest and needlessly hurting someone. Some secrets are best left, if they don't affect your daily life now or your relationships then why dig up the dirt?

    In an ideal world I would love to be so close to a man who I could be so open I could tell everything, but in reality there are always things we tend to keep to ourselves to protect them or us from being judged. It can be as trivial as how much that dress cost, to how you really feel about their friends.

    I'm lucky that I do have a couple of friends who I think know everything about me, the sad thing is that we see each other less as they have boyfriends/families. I guess this means they unintentionally know less of my secrets. I too am pleased to have found internet friends I can talk to about some things, but it takes me a long time to trust someone to be totally honest with them.

  4. I have one secret. It's not a very good secret, but it's mine.

    There are lots of things that people would consider secrets, but if someone asks I'm happy to tell them. This happen quite frequently with my friends, when I give them an aswer to their question they are often suprised; I tell them it's no secret, they just have to ask.

    If my mother is trying to get infomation out of me I usually pick a cut off point in the story… this isn't making sense, let me give an example.

    Nick and I hugged and kissed on Thursday at school, this is how the conversation goes:

    Mum: Did you see Nick today?
    Me: Yes.
    Mum: Did he give you a hug.
    Me: Yes 🙂

    I would have told mum we kissed, but only if she'd asked. But I did tell friends that we kissed, so does that make it a secret from mum, or just undiscovered information?

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